...slowly circling the drain...

NEW LIVEJOURNAL NAME

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 22:41:56 GMT

I have a different livejournal now; this one has too many back entries that need to be private and aren't, and way too much baggage i guess.

I re-added everyone who's journals i read and like and care about.

it'd be cool to be re added i guess, otherwise that'd make the new username kind of pointless.

new name: paperzopilote

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 22:54:04 GMT

Oh my god, Record Store Day.

20% off everything, and used cds were buy 2 get 1 free at Lunchbox Records. and the gift bag is amazing.

I have so so so so so much new music oh my god oh my godddd.

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 20:15:42 GMT

"i dreamed that you lived in a haunted house"
you moved to the church where we went upstairs to escape and somehow found infinity and light in the closet
hiding from your mother and the darkness and the television set.
what's it mean.

//

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 18:58:04 GMT

i am going
to be productive
on my own terms.

i am going to create what i want to create
work on what i want to work.

thanks for the inspiration.

why they don't give permits to thirteen year olds

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 02:39:27 GMT

i prayed for a car wreck and veered off towards the interstate
i didn't know the route, however,
that would lead me to you.
so i gave up
dragged the windshield wipers across my eyes blaring blazing bright red highbeams
and found the street
winding crooked to this charlotte hole.

marilyn manson interview i like.

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 23:20:24 GMT

Do you see anyone addressing this issue [the devaluing of american culture/ideas/products] in a meaningful way?

mm: I don't really know how you would deal with it. I think it's important to continually demonstrate the importance of being an artist. It becomes a moral value. There's an architect who built the building. There's someone who wrote the song you're listening to. Somebody made the movie and the book that you see or read. It goes back to my most important idea, that artists should be the ones to rule society because they shape society. But artists will always be suppressed and, for the most part, tortured and tormented in financial, emotional and sometimes physical ways. We're idealistic people who want to spend our time putting ideas into the world, which ends up fucking us over. I hate to play the martyr, but someone has to [laughs].

Are you optimistic about the future?

mm: Ultimately, because I'm an artist, I can't ever consider myself a nihilist, so I suppose I'm optimistic. I decided to make music again at a time when I couldn't have had more obstacles. If what you do is being threatened as a profession, that could be scary. But that's the same reason why I walked out on stage many times after receiving death threats. I couldn't live without doing what I wanted to do. So at the same time I have to be willing to die for it.

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 17:15:09 GMT

things my parents might let me have:
-tragus piercing
-new fish

Carson & Barnes protest update

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 23:41:59 GMT

To Kayla and Kelsey

I have the City Hall number for applying for permits to protest.
704-336-3884

If there are no objections, I'll call, I'll pay whatever fee, and I'll give you guys whatever info they give me.

My only concern is how long it will take. Grandpa lawyer #1 said it shouldn't take more than just a phone call and a trip downtown to get the permit, but my dad says it could be a matter of days. If it's okay for me to call, the soonest I can is tomorrow- they're only open from about 8-5. But yeah.

Also, would you guys like me to make flyers to post around campus inviting people to come protest? Or at least raising awareness about the circus? Lemme know, because there's a copier place right up the street, and I could do it all tomorrow.

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 23:19:45 GMT

ugh, I'm going to fail that spanish test tomorrow.

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 21:17:45 GMT

gosh people are nice.

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 00:50:09 GMT

I hold in my hands The Mountain Goats' Get Lonely.

I have yet to listen to it. I have waited this long, months, then weeks, then these last few days expecting it to arrive. It sits beside me, tempting me. But I will resist! I shall not listen to this cd until I have a pair of decent headphones with which I can emerse myself completely.

but oh, when I listen to it, I will be amazed. (And no, I don't think my expectations are too "high". Even if it were terrible I would probably still be amazed.)

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 01:18:14 GMT

The last two days have been exceptionally nice.
really great.
relaxing.

amazing. :)

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 21:56:56 GMT

OH HOLY HELL SHE SAID YES

OH, MY HEART IS STOPPING.

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 21:35:54 GMT

TROIKA MUSIC FESTIVAL '06

On October 20th, the Mountain Goats and Man Man are playing at a place called Broadstreet Cafe in Durham. (They aren't the only ones at said venue, but the other bands don't excite me nearly as much). The times haven't been released yet.

Here is the problem: Keith works a lot more now, so when previously he would be enthusiastic about driving me to a show in Raleigh/Durham, he may now not be able to. And for once, he actually KNOWS and LIKES the bands performing-- plus his close friend Andrew lives there, so if we left Friday morning he could also visit with his friend that day and sometime on Saturday. However, as we all know, Friday is a school day. That, and my family might POSSIBLY be going on a family vacation sometime in October, and that time may already be planned to overlap the 20th--- and if not, Keith might be exhausted from that and have no time or will to drive me to Durham for a day.

So this is my goal: to convince my parents (Keith to drive, mom to scedule it right and let me skip school) to do this. The individual day passes are only $10 each. I am slightly knifing when it comes to such dealings, and I'm pretty sure I can pursuade Keith to develop his work schedule around this and remind him of Andrew. Mom will be the difficult one-- I will probably have to do lots of totally free babysitting, get perfect grades, and do more chores than usual. One C or low B in anything and it'll be out of the question.

Wish me luck!!! If it works, it could very well make it into the ranks of the "best days of my life".
And if you have any tips on carefully pursuading parents into something improbable, let me know PLEASE.

Last Day of Summer

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 01:07:57 GMT

I now own 9 Of Montreal CDs. Whether or not that makes this a good last day of summer or not, I will find out this weekend. Logan is convinced that they will be my new favorite band, though I must argue that the best they can hope for is third place (to TMG and Radiohead).

I also ordered 4 Mountain Goats CDs, including Get Lonely, that I don't yet own a physical copy of.
Hopefully they'll be arriving during the course of the first official week of school. That would be fantastic.

GET LONELY

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 17:08:37 GMT

"[...]Darnielle writes about all this stuff indirectly; we don't even learn the reason for the narrator's crushing disconnect until the third song, when he finally comes out and says he's lost without her. Even then, he sings his most horrifically sad lyric ("What are the years we gave each other ever gonna be worth?") as a quick aside. Mostly, he just sings about wandering aimlessly around town, trying to figure out what's going on. Most of the songs seem to take place on cold mornings, and they all involve meticulous descriptions of ephemera: the cracking ground, the vacant lot across from the gas station, the amorphous shapes in his dreams.

A few of these songs are narratives, but even those are disconnected slivers of action. On "Half Dead", Darnielle sings about spending a morning cleaning his house just to take his mind off things: "Try not to get caught, try to think like a machine/ Focus in on the task, try not to think what it means." And on "Woke Up New", he sings about the day after she leaves: "On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time, I felt free, and I felt lonely, and I felt scared/ And I began to talk to myself almost immediately, not being used to being the only person there." It's devastating stuff, and it has none of the satisfying closure that The Sunset Tree provided.[...]"

Pitchfork gave it a 7.6, full review here: http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/record_review/38043/The_Mountain_Goats_Get_Lonely

I called almost every record store I know of in Charlotte the day it came out and the day before, and no one knew what I was talking about. So I am ordering it online today. If any of you secretly think you like the Mountain Goats and get this CD before me, don't even think about tellnig me, because I will not be proud of you, I will not pat you on the back. I will eat you alive, and never speak to you again.
And I am only half joking.

Schedule

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 16:12:37 GMT

1/A:
Spanish III honors - Collis
Oceanography - Spicknall
Geometry - Huey
Newspaper II - Jackson

2/B:
Civics & Economics honors - George
English II honors - Jackson
Painting I - Melki
Drawing III (AP!) - Hester?

So I go to Mrs Atkins after Mr King helped me get my schedule figured out, because I needed to ask her where my drawing class was. And appaarently I was supposed to be in AP for Drawing. That is very exciting for me, becasue I didn't think I'd end up in any AP classes unitl Junior year. So she said she'd get that fixed. I'm not sure how much my schedule will change to make that work, but hopefully it won't change much.
Oh yeah and fuck you if you think newspaper is a hella nerdy class, I don't care. I am taking it.
I am also excited because I have Jackson for 2 classes, haha. Apparently he is a good teacher? I really hope so! I will be learnin' from him every day of this year. D:

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 21:09:32 GMT

I am going to apply to North Carolina School of the Arts and Interlochen Arts Academy (in Michigan) sometime next spring/summer.

I was kind of hoping to stay in Charlotte for my junior year at least, but the more I think about it, and the more my mom thinks about it, the more we've decided it would be a move for the best-- best for the family, best for my interests, and best for my future.

Of course, several emotional factors remain which will help me determine whether I go my junior year or not (besdies if I'm accepted, I mean..) that basically revolve around if I feel like I still have a group of friends who are helping me grow emotionally. And if I can stay in contact with those who're important to me. If there are people in Charlotte whom I cannot bear to leave and won't be able to talk to them for some reason if I leave, I'll stay. Because Michigan is an expensive set of plane tickets away, and I can't expect to come back down to Charlotte for visits except in the summer.

:)

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 02:29:23 GMT

The Mountain Goats can handle any situation in my life. :)

I believe this.

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 00:01:03 GMT

I was talking to my dad today about various things; Wilmington, my aunt, my grandparents, artists, liberals, conservatives, conspiracy theories, schedules, almonds, a lot of things.
At the end of an hour and half, he told me that I had the most warped, negative outlook on life and people he'd ever heard.

Which brings me to the topic at hand: I'm afraid that I'm becoming very misanthropic. Every day something seems to happen- someone somewhere does something that disappoints me- and I lose a little faith in everyone. And the fact that I'm such a total failure myself only really proves my situation further. However, this is not an anti-humanity mallgoth rant or something-- I'm worried.
I don't like thinking like this, but I am slowly becoming convinced in a lack of compassion/empathy in the human race, a lack of intelligence, a lack of morals. People do shit just to test their own limits. Why can't we just coexist and fucking enjoy ourselves? Maybe I am just being southern here, or whatever bullshit people dismiss me as, but where the hell is common courtesy? Saying 'thank you', when someone needs ot be thanked? Being kind because you just are, not because you're told it's the right thing to do? Saying "I love you" when you mean it, not just to remind your "best friend ever!!!1!" that you still exist, dulling down the word till it reaches common status. But I digress.

SO MANY KIDS OUR AGE think it's goddamn hot shit to be a snobby hipster. To snub someone just because of the brand of cigarettes they smoke. To call/treat someone like a boring prude because they don't drink. I know way too many self-appointed scene queens/kings who don't talk to certain kids because of how they do their hair and decorate their myspace.

The pseudo-intellectual dipshits who draw their pretty pictures and write their deep stories and fucking sneer at the "less talented populus who has shunned me, the great, progressive, open-minded artist". Liberals who hate conservatives because the view society differently, conservatives who hate liberals for the same reason. Same goes for Christians and non-Christians. Just because you have different opinions doesn't mean you have to slander and hate and sling bullshit, this isn't fucking seventh grade. Especially liberals who think they are more open-minded than conservatives, because, to me, elitist/prideful thoughts are worse than conservatives/Christians who may just be stubborn about listening to new opinions. And on one tell me I'm just stereotyping, here, because I'm only speaknig from personal experience. Don't tell me to be optimistic, either, because I am, and I KNOW that I'm 'just being negative' with this. But I honestly am losing faith.

I just wish there was more genuity out there. More honest feelings, more honest compassion. Or at least less self-absorption, you know? Just a little less ingenuity.
People being nice because they want to, not because they need to.
respect.
honesty.
I don't want to feel this way about everyone.

(And I know that at least one of you reading this is smirking to themself, thinking that my word choice is cheesy, or that I am "clearly just a hypocrite"- no shit, sherlock, I said people in general, which, unless I am an android, includes me too.)

chokes me up.

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 16:50:11 GMT

Grace Cathedral hill,
all wrapped in bones of setting sun,
all dust and stone and moribund;
I paid twenty-five cents to light a little white candle
for a New Year's Day:
I sat and watched it burn away,
then turned and weaved
through slow decay...
We were both a little hungry,
so we went to get hot dog.
Down to Hyde Street Pier,
the light was slight, and disappeared;
the air it stunk of fish and beer.
We heard a Superman trumpet
play the national anthem...

And the world may belong for you,
but'll never belong to you
But on a motorbike...
when all the city lights
blind your eyes tonight,
'Are you feeling better now?'

Some way to greet the year-
your eyes all bright and
brim with tears...
The pilgrims, pills, and tourists here
will sink fifty-three bucks to buy
a brand new halo.
Sweet on a green-eyed girl,
all fiery Irish clip and curl,
all brine and piss and vinegar;
I paid twenty-five cents to light
a little white candle.

And the world may belong for you,
but'll never belong to you
But on a motorbike,
when all the city lights
blind your eyes tonight,
"Are you feeling better now?"
Are you feeling better now?

Are you feeling better now?

---the decemberists

I cry every time.

Oh god no, dear GOD. "Radiohead for babies".

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:12:54 GMT

http://pitchforkmedia.com/article/news/37872/Radiohead_Become_Lullabies

I don't even know how to react.

I think I feel a horrible convulsion coming on.

This is surely a sign of the coming apocalypse.

eli eli lema sabachthani!!!

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 20:04:29 GMT

Issac Brock dropped out after 10th grade!

I had no idea.

humans

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 01:28:11 GMT

who wants to like. do something with me.

I was downtown alone today and realized that I am actually ready for some company.

and by "do something" I don't mean that it matters. I'd prefer to just go somewhere and sit and talk. a lake or coffeeshop or woods or something. I am reasonably chill.

anyone's cool. :] as long as you live in Charlotte and not off an interstate or something.

"found something so good it's hard to focus on what's right"

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 22:02:18 GMT

and what is love, when you're so willing to give it?
a list of words for that first android/broken-necked swan;
your jacket
never really fit right
anyway
but my hopes lie in your dreams
and we are both hoping
that the nightmare
just
dissolves.